C o B
Earned a reputation as a distinguished and enlightened moderator despite
having no working knowledge of spelling, sentence structure or
Has a taste in clothes so horrific that he is able to lower
local property values simply by walking to the mail box.
As to his own property, the recent earthquake did approximately $25,000 in
Likes to pretend he is Doctor Dolittle during sessions
while wearing only a top hat and spats.
Will rue the day he chose Tahoe
Ted to moderate this board.
B o D
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Has achieved exalted rank of "Elder Statesman of Seattle Poon" despite
having had only three sex partners his entire life:
1. Trixie "The HumanFire Hydrant"
2. A suggestively shaped prune danish at the airport "13
3. A stuffed walrus named "Mr. Yum-Yum".
Is producing a designer-line of dildos called "Lil' Ted".
Already planning Unholy Pirate's violent overthrow as Board Chairman and wishes to be addressed
at board meetings as "Grand Imperial Poohbah".
Is referred to affectionately by customers and providers everywhere as "cheese-dick"
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Subject of more "dick" jokes then any American since Richard Nixon.
Voted by high school alma mater as "Dick Most Likely to be a Solar
Was able to vote twice in the last election because Diver
lives in one congressional district and his "dick" lives in another.
Only "dick" chosen by the Seafair Parade committee to serve as Grand
Marshal AND as a float.
Had testicles named "Thor's Twins" and
registered with the Library of Congress...
I think you can see where we're going here...
Constantly wishes that Gym would carry off his trollop of a wife once and for all so he can do some serious pooning.
Has permanent case of "morning wood" resulting in him not being able to
leave the house until noon.
Made a mistake by trying to drive to work before relieving "His Woodness"
and accidentally activated the driver side air-bag.
Preferred a situation comedy motif for his pooning until his "Brady Bunch"
session with Baylee got REALLY out of hand.
Refers to begging as "foreplay".
Hasn't had an erection since the second Reagan administration.
being arrested for public indecency was charged with violating the
Geneva War Crimes Tribunal - a first in American legal jurisprudence.
Missed fifth grade graduation because of jury duty.
Got his nickname for
"trying to slip Wayne Newton a big wet one" after binging on sterno and
Hawaiian Punch in Las Vegas.
Told Vanna White while shooting "Wheel of
Fortune" locally that he would "give up a kidney to be in her underpants
for a day". As a result has been banned from all Seattle public
Pretty much a major fucking retard...
Has spent so much time having free sex in Brazil that he makes all
local providers wear a Penelope Cruz mask: even the midget (especially
Is constantly coming in second behind Tongue for "Dumbest
Puts the "Burger King" logo on his underwear so he can
tell providers that it's the "Home of the Whopper".
Likes wearing a Darth
Vader helmet and making providers "yield to the Force".
Recurring fantasies about June Cleaver has made him a pariah in every
neighborhood he has ever lived.
He'll forget his medication and before
you know it will start shrieking "I'm The Beaver" at Wal-Mart terrifying
children and small animals everywhere.
As a result has a revolving
account with U-Haul.
Likes to walk up to strange women at funerals and
say "Who's Your Daddy?".
Thinks Theodore Roosevelt is President of the
("Jezzus, isn't that old bastard EVER going to DIE!?!").
Refused to give up TBD Moderator Crown when he retired and insists on wearing it to
job interviews and AA meetings.
Refers to Unholy Pirate as "douche-bag".
Actually refers to EVERYONE as "douche-bag" which explains the several dozen
job interviews and the AA meetings.
Likes eating pussy so much that his driver's
license picture shows his face in some lady's crotch.
Providers know when he is
about to climax when he starts singing "The Song of the Valkyrie" from "Apocalypse Now".
Constantly worries that Magoo is going to plunge an ice-pick into his
frontal lobes for walking off with his wife at a party and fucking her
into a coma.
Had the opportunity to finally publish a negative sex
review after an uninspired masturbation session but in the end relented,
saying that it wasn't his regular hand and YMMV and he would give it
another chance, blah, blah, blah.
Likes to dress up in sessions as
Genghis Khan and refers to his crotch as "The Mongol Horde".
B o a r d M o d e r a t o r
(see description above)
W e b m a s t e r
Profile coming soon.